Saturday, 13 February 2010

Boudoir – The Sexpert Says…..

Done the feathers and the whipped cream? Then maybe its time to turn things up another notch, and who better to ask than a certified sexologist. With tomorrow being Valentine’s Day, we linked up with Dr Martha Lee of Eros Coaching and picked her brains on Advanced Sex Tips!

SimplyFab: We may not be as lithe and lissome as our 20something selves, but what is it about us grown up girls that turned us from coquettish kittens in the past to cougars prowling the bedroom?
Martha: By the time we are in our 30s and 40s, we would have lived life – loved, cried, travelled and have achieved some degree of personal success under our belt. We would have learnt to make peace with any body image issues we might have, as well as with our sense of self, place in the world and sexuality.

SF: At our scintillating stage in life, we’re way past bedroom basics. How about some tips for Advanced Action?
Martha: For Sex Tips 201, Google, read a magazine, devour a sexual technique book or ask a friend. However, what I would recommend is my workshop ‘Different Strokes’ which teaches 23 different penile massage techniques for a minimum of two ladies at S$75 per person and lasts about 2 hours. I incorporate the use of video, demonstration on a sex toy and explanation. I have done sessions for 10 ladies, with another 10 on waiting list. I have the equivalent for men to pleasure a woman's vulva called 'Petting the Kitty'. It is also S$75 per person, minimum of two persons and two hours. It is far more effective to learn this way rather than from any written material. (For more info, visit

SF: People say making out in public is exciting for the risk of getting caught. Where would you suggest are the top 3 public places for a little action with the hubs?
Martha: It will have to be a very ‘private’ public place if you do not actually want to get caught! It is not just a matter of finding a discreet location, but the day and time plays a factor as well. No, I am not going to name them, otherwise they wouldn’t be ‘private’ public places anymore, would it? You are only limited by your imagination.

SF: It’s a known fact that women are master multi-taskers even while being goddesses in the bedroom. What’s the best move we can do with our man while we’re mentally checking off our ‘to-do’ list or planning the dinner menu?
Martha: My advice is, don’t! It is easy to take each other for granted and go through the motions during lovemaking. You can choose instead to make a conscious effort to stay in the moment, focus on the sensations, truly explore each other and replenish the intimacy. But if you absolutely must, mentally multitask when you are doing a repetitive motion such as a certain blow or hand job where he is the recipient.

SF: Does indulging in some aural action hasten the natural sagging of the chin? If yes, what can we do about it?
Martha: On the contrary, performing fellatio on the fella has been proven to exercise your facial muscles, stimulate your jaw and help you attain a slimmer chin. Then there is the benefit of having one very happy man as well!

SF: Apart from the bed, please offer 2-3 other unique places in the home, or pieces of furniture, which we (and our man) can get creative with. (besides the usual suspects like the shower and kitchen table)
Martha: The washing machine, his armchair, his study chair.

SF: How do you suggest we get in the mood if a beer belly gets in between hubs and us?
Martha: Rub his beer belly and learn to make peace with his changing body image. Just as he is aging, so are you. You can look at one positive in this: the bigger his belly, the slower he will run... from you! Put on new lenses and appreciate him for all that he is – belly, warts and all.

SF: Give us a few more original lines other than “Honey I’ve got a headache”.
Martha: “Let’s sleep so I can start visualising the perfect sex we will have tomorrow.”
“Let’s wait till I get the surprise I have planned for you.”
“Let’s do it in the morning. I’d wake you up with a mind blowing blow job.”

SF: Finally, do you have any comments or words of wisdom that you’d like to share with us regarding sexillating lovemaking?
Martha: Three things – communicate, experiment and learn.
• Communicate: You don’t know if you don’t ask. So ask: ‘How is this for you?’ ‘How would you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest)?’ ‘Would you like me to continue?’
• Experiment: Practice really makes sex better.
• Learn: I would also encourage you to keep an open mind, look to acquiring more sexual skills such as signing up for sexual techniques classes.

SF: Finally, does (his) size really matter? And if it does, what can a Simplyfab girl do about it apart from lying back and thinking of England?
Martha: It is difficult to find accurate global data on average penis size because measuring penises is a lot more complicated than you might think. According to some reviews, the average erect penis length is between 5.1 and 5.7 inches. Singaporean men average 3.5 to 5.9 inches. Most men will be somewhere in the middle. Penis size has little to no relation to sexual pleasure or performance. Performance is dependent on muscles, blood and nerve supply to the reproductive organs and state of mind.

This question assumes that sex is only about penetrative sex, and his pleasure. Granted that there is more to a relationship than sex, my concern is why a woman would choose to stay in a relationship where she feels she has to lie back and think of England, effectively casting herself as a receptacle. Sex is about mutual pleasure and enjoyment, and there is a zillion things could be doing.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sex and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sex educational workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit or email

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